In Hollywood, there are brats, there are bitches, and there are sons of bitches—and then there’s Megan Fox, who is none of the above.
Look for her name in The Smoking Gun, an online clearinghouse for celebrity mug shots, and you’ll find nothing. Do a Google search for “Megan Fox” and “scandal,” and you won’t find one verifiable tale of drunkenness, drug abuse, public crotch-flashing, or cruelty toward people of lesser fame and status.
Fox, who will turn 23 on May 16, has been working in Hollywood since winning a small role in the Olsen Twins movie Holiday in the Sun (2001). Since then, she’s appeared in hit films such as 2007’s Transformers and the Lindsay Lohan vehicle Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), not to mention TV series such as Hope & Faith, starring Kelly Ripa and Faith Ford. Outside of her onscreen performances, she’s gained the most fame for her beauty—glowing skin, slim but curvy figure, and flowing black hair—that gives off an aura of sex, like steam rising from a hot tub. She’s also attracted attention for her longtime relationship with former Beverly Hills 90210 star Brian Austin Green, who’s more than 13 years older than Fox. In other words, she’s gotten public notice just because she’s stayed with the same guy for months and months.
Not that Fox is all shy and old-fashioned. She simply got a lot of wild partying out of her system early. As a kid in Rockwood, Tennessee, and St. Petersburg, Florida, she displayed a rebellious streak that sometimes disturbed her mother. “I’ve done drugs,” she’s admitted. Then added, “That’s how I know I don’t like them.” When she was 18 she loved to go out to strip clubs like The Body Shop. “I don’t do that anymore,” she said a couple of years later.
By the time she was 21, she was confessing to Maxim magazine, “I never go out. I don’t like drunk, sweaty people whose only goal is to have sex. I stay home and play computer backgammon. Every once in a while I go to Color Me Mine to do pottery. I’m not wholesome, but I’m trying to behave.”
Fox has even downplayed the traffic-stopping looks that have helped to make her famous. At the Golden Globe awards in January, Fox disagreed with an interviewer who praised her beauty: “No, no. I’m a doppelganger for Alan Alda.”
Fox does have vices, of course. She’s a sloppy housekeeper. “I’m horrible to live with. I don’t clean,” she’s told FHM magazine. “My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet. Friends will tell me, ‘Megan, you totally pinched a loaf in my toilet and didn’t flush.’”
Then there’s her sex drive. “I have the libido of a 15-year-old boy,” she’s said. But that’s a part of her life that she doesn’t live out where the world can see. When Fox is in public her clothes stay on. (They may be tight and clingy, but they stay on.)
“We will all laugh at gilded butterflies,” says a tattoo on Fox’s back. Fox, a Hollywood golden girl blessed with beauty and fame, may be gilded—but she’s also grounded.
Hollywood’s Biggest Brats
What’s up in Hollywood these days? With your average Joes losing their home, struggling to pay the light bill, desperately seeking a job to support their families, or having all they worked for go up in smoke thanks to some creep running a Ponzi scheme, you would think that rich and famous Hollywood-sters would be thanking their lucky stars for the privileged lives they lead. BUT OH, NO! Day after day, night after night, the circus continues with antics from the bad, the spoiled and the just plain stupid. As these brats go on making headlines, we hope that they’ll either get some professional help—or just friggin’ grow up.
Diddy’s Done Lost His Mind
What the hell is Diddy doing, giving up his Miami crib to Rihanna and her abuser, Chris Brown? Yeah, Sean John, we heard your statement to Ellen DeGeneres about letting them have space to work things out. Ellen kicked your ass. You sounded like a moron. You have daughters of your own. Would you like one of them to “work things out” with a guy who had beaten her unconscious? Come on, Diddy. We thought you were cool. Now it seems that you’ve moved from being a great entertainer and our ultra-favorite millionaire entrepreneur to taking your shot at domestic-violence psychologist. Dude, what were you thinking? You seemed like the kind of guy who would protect a woman against that kind of violence. Now you’ve started a bed and breakfast for abusers and the battered to “work out their problems”? WHOA! If you are the stand-up guy we thought you were, you wouldn’t even consider putting Chris Brown and Rihanna in the same house to work things out. Brown needs to be behind bars and Rihanna needs to see that her victimization will continue until she stands up to this ear-biting bitch. And you, Diddy, need to go back to making music and selling clothes and vodka. Your secret, true feelings about domestic violence are staring us in the face.
When Bad Gets Boring
We’re just plain tired of Lindsay Lohan. Why, Lindsay? Why can’t you get back on track and stay out of the lenses of the prying paparazzi—not to mention prosecutors? Please go back to the days when you were a fabulous and talented actress, making headlines for your accomplishments rather than your bad-girl behavior. Drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, DUI tickets, car chases at high speed on city streets, bad boyfriends, a strange girlfriend—if you were 18, we could say that you were young and dumb; but at 25, and in the spotlight since you were 8, you should know the “praise em’ to heaven, then drag em’ to hell” Hollywood cycle. If you’re tired of the Tinseltown rat race, take a break and move to the mountains of Wyoming and vedge for a while. Get some rest, read a few good books, contemplate your future and ready yourself for your next evolution. Few actresses on the big screen have your talent. Why throw yourself in front of a bus and destroy your career while you are “finding yourself”?
Rage-a-holic
Seal, Seal, Seal. You’re spitting fire and doing everything but fistfighting with photographers outside restaurants and clothing stores. Meanwhile, your smiling and good-natured wife, Heidi Klum, looks on like a deer in the headlights. Seal, you’re married to one of the world’s most beautiful women—who, by the way, is a walking, talking money and baby-making machine. She can’t stop gushing over how fabulous you are and how happy she is. So give the bad behavior a rest, Seal! Sit back and enjoy the ride. You are one lucky guy. Look, we understand that you don’t like to be followed and flashed by every photographer around. We wouldn’t like it, either. But a wave and a smile take only a second and assure us that you know how to handle whatever goes down. Your actions also show us whether our Heidi is in good hands with a good man who can take charge of a situation or the prisoner of an irascible hulk who can’t control his temper. It’s your choice, Seal. Make the right one.
Bad Boys, Bad Boys
Alex Baldwin, Christian Bale, Russell Crowe, Sean Penn, Bill O’Reilly: We know it’s difficult to be nice all the time—but at least try, OK? All those nasty images of you guys grabbing, hitting and slam-blasting people who get in your way… put them in the past and move forward. At least Christian Bale apologized for his rant and rave at a crew member on the Terminator: Salvation set. After a tirade peppered with “F— you” and “F— you more” and “I’m going to kick your f—— ass,” Bale came up for a breath and took responsibility, calling his behavior “inexcusable.” That’s what we like—a man who is man enough to take the heat without melting under the pressure and come out looking like a guy who made a mistake instead of an ass who uses his clout to push others around.
Dead in the Bong Water
Michael Phelps—you did good in the water bringing home all that gold. Now maybe it’s time for a crash course on dry land about how to separate good friends from wannabes and users. You might be young, but you’re going to start aging fast and accumulating gray hairs on that smooth, chisled chest of yours if your stupid mistakes and bad judgment calls lead to losing millions on endorsement deals . We aren’t saying you have to give up the right to bong or guzzle, but you do have a house, condo or apartment, don’t you? Dude, party there and invite friends you trust! Or if you must party down with the plebeians, have security men sweep visitors for cameras and confiscate cell phones. High-rolling A-listers do it all the time. You can’t afford mistakes that interfere with your income. We suggest that you hold tight to your “Golden Boy” rep and not acquire a new one: “The guy who won a jillion Olympic medals and then blew it.”
