Sandra Bullock and Sheryl Crow did it. Brad and Angelina have done it more than once. Madonna did it and talked about it on Oprah. Are you thinking about adoption? Adoption is a viable option for people wanting to become parents who can’t have or choose not to have biological children. Deciding whether adoption is right for you involves exploring legal and psychological implications of this life changing choice for today’s American family.
Is Adoption Right for You?
Deciding to adopt a child is both wonderful yet difficult. When pondering this method to expand your family, consider these wonderful reasons to adopt: You want children; you love children; you can devote time, money, and energy to the child; you can give the child a chance for a successful life. If these describe you, go for it! Give a loving deserving child a fabulous home and chance for a successful life. But some consider adopting for reasons less than noble. Some contemplate adopting because Brad and Angelina did it or they want save their marriage or pass on a family name or feel bored or lonely. If you are in this category, consider your choice and speak with a psychologist and adoption attorney. But if adoption is right for you and your family, these suggestions can make the process work beautifully for all concerned:
Getting Your Psychological Ducks in a Row
Psychologically speaking, before you adopt consider the implications of bringing a child into your family, your home and community particularly if that child is of a different race and/or nationality. Prepare yourself, family and friends for your new arrival. Find ways to make the child feel welcome and accepted. Consider working with a psychologist specializing in adoption issues to help you with this preparation. Because this is an emotional journey, try to stay detached from the process. Adoption can take a long time and you need to ride the course. Practice stress management techniques such as yoga and deep breathing and join a support group of other adopting parent, especially helpful since disappointment can accompany the adoption process for example some mothers change their minds which can be heart-breaking. In spite of the potential pitfalls and disappointments, hold positive thoughts. Visualize yourself with a happy family and becoming a parent. Every day enjoy these images, they can carry you through rough spots. Also “release the calendar” and let the process unfold in its own time. As the saying goes “it will happen when it happens!” There is loss inherent in adoption including the loss of having your own biological child and loss for the child of its biological family. Acknowledge and address these feelings so they don’t get in the way of raising a happy and healthy family.
It’s The Law
Adoption, whether domestic or international, involves the legal system. Do your homework and get help from family law attorneys who specialize in adoptions and reputable adoption agencies. They can point you in the direction of options you have at your disposal. Research the options. Learn as much as you can, take classes, attend seminars and conferences. Become an educated adoptive parent. Understand the pro/cons of the different types of adoption so you can choose the one that best suits your situation. You child will thank you. Understand laws involved. You don’t need a law degree but a basic understanding of the laws in your state helps avoid complications and mistakes as you move ahead. If you are adopting internationally be sure to understand the international laws that affect adoption. Specifically, The Hague Convention which established safeguards to ensure that intercountry adoptions take place in the best interests of the child and respect his/ her fundamental rights as recognized in international law. The U.S. is a signatory so the Hague Convention applies to all U.S. adopting families. The Child Citizenship Act of 2000 (PL 106-395) is a very important Act that amends the Immigration and Nationality Act and confers U.S. citizenship automatically and retroactively to certain foreign-born children adopted by citizens of the United States. Become familiar with The Intercountry Adoption Act of 2000 (P.L. 106-279) designed to provide for implementation by the U.S. of the Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Cooperation in Respect to Intercountry Adoption and The Intercountry Adoption Act of 2000 (P.L. 106-279) which is designed to provide for implementation by the United States of the Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Cooperation in Respect to Intercountry Adoption.
Whether you adopt domestically or internationally. Whether your child is an infant, a toddler or a teen, bringing a child into your life can be the most rewarding experience you will ever enjoy. Follow the suggestions to help make this event a joyful, fulfilling and life-affirming one!
Dr. Sheila Forman is a clinical psychologist and attorney who comments on the psychological and legal issues affecting our society.
She is the author of several self-help books, on the faculty of Loyola Marymount University and host of Let’s Talk w/Dr. Sheila on: www.HealthyLife.net, www.DrSheilaForman.com, www.PsychLawExpert.com phone: 310-828-8004 email: DrSheilaForman@msn.com
Dr. Sheila Forman, Clinical Psychologist, Attorney-At-Law, Best-Selling Author— Forman’s philosophy is to promote mental health not by just treating illness, but helping people achieve high levels of emotional, psychological & social well-being.
